How to Learn to Drive as an Autistic

Shannon M
Nov 8
6 min read

Driving is one of the most stressful adulting skills to learn– to the point that many Autistics (and even neurotypicals) never learn! Here’s a guide on how to make the process as stress-free as possible.

Driving has always felt like something more people should be afraid of. We’re navigating a one-ton animal of a machine, frequently having to navigate skillfully around pedestrians and other hazards.

Not only that, but we're expected to learn how to do so when we're 15!

Many Autistics (and NTs) choose to never learn how to drive. It’s possible that driving isn’t for you either. Or, maybe you might need extra time to learn-- I decided at age 25 that I was mentally ready for it.

If you want to learn how to drive, there’s some specific precautions you should take as an Autistic person before you begin. Let’s jump into them!

Only start the process when you’re ready
Do in-depth research about driving first
Identify a trusted family member, friend, or loved one who CAN drive to teach you
Start in the biggest, least busy parking lot you know of
Stop when you feel overwhelmed
Put safety first
Make your instructor understand your limits
Take the process as slow as you need, it’s not a race
Schedule the driving test when YOU’RE ready
Understand that it may take multiple tries
Final thoughts

Only start the process when you’re ready

Many people make the mistake of trying to learn to drive when someone else thinks they’re ready. Whether it’s a pushy family member, a partner, or friends thinking that “it’s time” when you turn 15, 16, or 30, you should be prepared to push back at them.

Nothing makes learning a new skill more stressful than doing it just because you feel obligated to. Especially something like learning to drive a vehicle!

Instead, consider: am I mentally ready to handle learning this right now? Do I have the energy, brainspace, and time to be a little overstimulated by learning to drive? Am I mature enough to listen to everything a more experienced driver has to say?

If not, consider tabling it for the timebeing until your inner conditions are more favorable.

Do in-depth research about driving first

The rules around learning to driver differ from state-to-state and country-to-country, so unfortunately I cannot lay out a roadmap for you here. Before you even start learning to drive behind-the-wheel is a good time to read up on other aspects of driving.

What do the testers at the DMV (or equivalent licensing organization) look for when evaluating you?

Can you take a driving knowledge written test before you take the actual driving test?

Can you sit in an vehicle that's off and learn what all the different levers and buttons do?

There’s ample videos on Youtube and other platforms that may be more accessible to you than reading a booklet.

Or, if reading is more accessible, we have booklets freely available from your local DMV that detail driving rules (at least in California.)

This will help familiarize you and decrease the amount of new information you’re exposed to while behind the wheel. This also decreases the likelihood that you'll become overstimulated or overwhelmed while driving.

Identify a trusted family member, friend, or loved one who can teach you

Learning to drive is as much about your headspace as it is your trainer’s approach.

Some people are less ideal options to learn from because of their demeanor in a vehicle. These folks:

Are high-stress (e.g. yelling at you to brake when approaching a stoplight)
Become aggressive (e.g. encouraging you to tailgate someone who they dislike)
Blame you for your own driving inexperience (e.g. guilting you for a mistake)

While it’s a good idea to have someone who’s able to speak their own mind about your driving, the above approaches may be particulary difficult for an Autistic person to deal with. Yelling can set off a shutdown or meltdown, aggressiveness may be a danger to the driver or other drivers, and blaming you for wanting to learn can turn you off from learning to drive.

Instead, consider looking for someone who has these traits instead:

Calm, but clear in speaking
Instructive, but level-headed in approach
Flexible, but able to speak their mind about mistakes

This might end up being a partner or friend instead of the stereotypical father figure. That’s perfectly fine! It’s about learning this skill, not doing it “the right way” that “everyone else has done it.”

Additionally, maybe you don't have a calm figure in your life who would be able to teach you. In that case, it might be better to hire a paid driving instructor. These can be expensive, but that may be a better option than having an unideal instructor.

Start in the biggest but least busy parking lot you have in your locale

Instead of immediately starting on a road, you’ll want to start in a big parking lot. Ideally one that’s empty or near-empty. This allows you to start to understand the gas pedal and brake pedal, as well as how turning works.

For Autistics, it’s generally a good idea to go slow to allow us to acclimate to the new sensations and tasks. It may take you some time to be comfortable enough to drive on a road. That’s okay! It’s about learning YOUR way, because you’re the one learning!

Stop when you feel overwhelmed

It’s a crucial coping skill as an Autistic to stop when you feel overwhelmed. We have limits and it’s important we (and other people) recognize those limits. However, no one can do that if you don’t work to be aware of what they are.

Ask yourself these crucial questions when you feel your stress levels rising:

Am I feeling less emotionally stable?
Am I lashing out at others or myself?
Does being in my body feel odd?
Do I not want to do this anymore?

Saying yes to any one of these signs is a sign that maybe you should stop. Saying yes to multiple is a stop sign that you need to recognize urgently.

Try to learn the specific signals that YOUR body is sending you. It’s different for everyone!

Put safety first

If you’re feeling overwhelmed, or like a shutdown or meltdown is approaching or even HERE, immediately remove yourself from driving the vehicle as soon as it is safe.

A big cause of accidents is strong emotions. Anger, overwhelm, sadness, and other emotions can easily compromise your ability to drive safely.

Either pull over to the side of the road, or pull into a parking lot, and– if you can’t speak– communicate via hand signals, or giving someone the keys, that you can’t handle driving anymore right now. Ideally, discuss this beforehand with your instructor so they aren’t caught by surprise.

This leads into our next point…

Make your instructor understand your limits

What each Autistic individual is capable of differs between each of us.

Try to commuinicate what the limit of your capabilities are, and how someone else can tell that you’re getting overwhelmed. Ideally, your instructor is someone familiar enough with you to understand, but that may not always be the case.

Maybe you start being less and less verbal as you become overwhelmed. Your instructor might notice you talking less. This understanding is crucial– otherwise they might take your lower verbality as ignoring them, giving them the silent treatment, or being absent-minded.

Driving can be a life-or-death situation depending on someone’s skills, attention, and ability. It’s important that the person instructing you understands how you react to stressors.

Take the process as slow as you need; it’s not a race

You might be feeling internal or external pressure to learn to drive QUICKLY. Maybe you want to learn to drive so you can move out sooner. Maybe someone else wants you to learn to drive before a deadline they’ve set for you.

Try to ignore these. Being a safe, experienced driver is more important than being a driver sooner.

Schedule the driving test when YOU’RE ready

The driver’s test is as much psychological as it is physical. You’ll have the use all of the skills and abilities you’ve used thus far, as well as manage all of your emotions to keep your cool under pressure.

When I first took the driver’s test, I failed because I pulled up a little too close to the cars in front of me at a stoplight. Little things like this CAN fail you.

Consider asking multiple people to hop in the car with you while you drive to give you feedback beforehand. Consider taking the written test before your physical driving test to make sure you have the greatest awareness of driving laws possible.

It can feel overwhelming at first-- which is why more time behind the wheel can be helpful!

Understand that it may take multiple tries

It’s crucial to understand that a LOT of people fail the driving test on the first try. Don’t be too hard on yourself! You’re an Autistic learning a brand new skill, with high pressure and expectations, under the command of another person. It’s an inherently stressful situation.

Be prepared to try again if you must!

Final thoughts

Learning to drive is a long and arduous process, but the rewards are great. You unlock larger freedom, and the world becomes your oyster. However, you need to get through this difficult process first!

I hope these steps are useful to you in tackling it!